Making Her Feel Special
There’s nothing wrong with being nice, but if you are doing special favors to win a girl’s affection such as buying her gifts and treating her, then you are only wasting money and setting yourself up for failure. Things such as buying flowers, presents, or just merely complimenting her can be damaging in cases.
Being nice is fine, but when you start to compliment her for all sorts of things and buy her presents, then that’s where the problem starts. Don’t even compliment her unless she earns it. This is because your letting her feel too special, and when topped with a gift or 2, the affectionate side can be taken as you just trying to buy her love. If it’s not something you would do for a guy friend, don’t do it for her, and even if it is try to keep it low and do it only rarely.
Don’t get me wrong - if its a special occasion, get her something nice and compliment her, but once you start making her out to be the ‘special‘ one, then your giving her the invitation to walk all over you and the chance to let her play with you; and that is something you should avoid at all costs!
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While I don’t know if I agree with everything you said here, you do make a point. When it comes to a guy who is pouring attention and gifts on a girl, many women won’t develop a sense of attraction. It’s human nature to want a chase, and if you seem too attentive, it drives us nuts. Or we worry that we would hurt you if it didn’t work out. Balance is key here. Think of how pressured you would feel if a girl called you 87 times in one day….
Comment by Mandi — March 21, 2008 @ 3:13 am
But he’s wrong in saying that you shouldn’t do it if you wouldn’t do it for a guy friend. I honestly expect my guy to treat me better than his friends. Not in big lavishing ways, but in the little things.
-Opening doors
-Holding her hand
-Calling when you say you will
-Greeting her first when you arrive, as in before your friends
-Always giving her the front seat when she rides in your car
-Never underestimate the power of a light kiss on her forehead.
-Offering to pay
-Complimenting, you say she should have to ‘earn it’ I disagree. If she’s into you, she’ll put in effort that you may never notice. If you think of one, and it’s true, say it. She’ll appreciate it, and it won’t be ‘overboard’.
Showering her with gifts may be overboard, sometimes. But doing things that are just chivalrous are never overboard. Alot of those things are things you wouldn’t do for a guy friend, but that you should try to do for a girlfriend.
Comment by GamerDarling — March 26, 2008 @ 8:43 pm
GamerDarling I agree with all your points except the ‘Offering to pay’ point. At times this is acceptable e.g. the first date or every other time, but making it a usual habit is something I would advise against as it’s not a position I would want to be in judging from the previous experiences.
As for the thing about complimenting - its okay to compliment at times, but doing a lot, even though she deserves it can be a negative point - heck, a mate of mine used to always compliment his girl friend, making her think shes too good for him in the end and ended up dumping him - so it can go both ways.
I guess all it is, is finding the right balance - once you get that, it should really go very smoothly.
Comment by Advoor — March 26, 2008 @ 9:42 pm
“Don’t even compliment her unless she earns it.”
…
I’m sorry… what?
That’s awful. You don’t “earn” compliments. What is she, a dog? “Oh good girl! I approve of something you did! You get a compliment!”
Sure, you shouldn’t compliment a girl 24/7; she’ll start to think you’re faking them. But compliments are things you say when you feel they’re true.
Think she looks gorgeous in that dress? Tell her!
If you wait around for her to “earn” a compliment before you give one, she’ll be gone quick to someone who will appreciate her.
Comment by briell3 — April 2, 2008 @ 1:54 am